Welcome to Delbarton School For...Bugs
Posted September 27, 2012
On September 27, 2012 we had an unusual application for admittance to Delbarton. The applicant had a rather unique appearance, including two spiked forelegs in which, should he go out for football, opponents could be caught and held securely. in fact, he had offensive tackle written all over him.
Another plus: his compound eyes means he can really "see the field". The articulation of his head was also noteworthy. He appears to have nearly 300 degrees of movement, allowing for a great range of sight, a 'binocular field of vision'. Again, an undeniable asset on a playing field and in the classroom as well. Not much gets by our budding applicant.
Our one concern is his social skills. After doing a little research we learned that his closest relatives are cockroaches and termites, which may explain why he appeared disinterested in joining students for lunch in the Estebrook cafeteria. Instead, he preferred to rotate his head around looking for more readily accessible food. Are we imagining it, or did he actually look at a nearby frog with longing? Poor froggie. Once caught, he could count on being held by his head, throat and abdomen. If he chooses to go without a fight, his passivity would be rewarded by our hungry applicant eating him alive. Put up a fight (but we vote for "flee") and Mr. Frog Prince can kiss his head goodbye, then his body, piece-by-piece.
Yes, we concur with Dean of Admissions Dr. David Donovan and the entire Admissions Committee: the slender applicant taking an impromptu campus tour was no ordinary, essay-writing 6th or 8th grader. This was a praying mantis, captured through the miracle of digital photography by a canny observer of nature, Director of Alumni & Development J. Craig Paris '82. He (the bug) was clinging to the window in Old Main and seemed very attached to a Delbarton Alumni sticker, a sure sign of someone with a natural affinity for the School. Loyalty? Check.
Several other attributes added strength to his application: he was ambitious, he was praying and, yes, he was green. Hyper-active, you say? Admittedly, he was climbing the walls when Mr. Paris spotted him, but there are worse qualities out there. We have personally witnessed them in several family members who shall, for liability reasons, remain unnamed.
We believe Headmaster Br. Paul Diveny should pay particular attention to this specific application. Organic gardeners, of which the Headmaster is one, encourage mantises as a form of biological pest control. Tens of thousands of mantis egg cases are sold each year in some garden stores for this purpose. So, jaunty applicant, bring your friends, the more the merrier. Applications for all! Go Green -- Plague!
We also believe this fellow would be an asset to any Green Wave fan zone. First off his wardrobe favors the color green. When bothered by an unfair call or a lopsided score, he can be counted on to stand tall and spread his forelegs with his wings (hey, who needs arms?) fanning out wide. All this wing-fanning can make him seem larger and more threatening. Take that, evil sports foe. If harassment persists, a mantis may strike with its forelegs and attempt to pinch or bite. OK, so we may need to work on his sportsmanship but what's not to like about his spirit?
In conclusion, we wholeheartedly support his application for admission, if that's what he was doing at Delbarton on Thursday afternoon. On the other hand, given that he was clinging to a Development Office window perhaps he was trying to make a donation to the Delbarton Fund? Tragically Mr. Paris, usually totally on task, was so busy snapping away with the camera that he forgot to ask. Next time, little frog-eating, arm-waving buddy, next time.
Meanwhile, we are totally digging your style. Like Fred Astaire...with wings.