February, 2008

Dear Seniors and Parents of Seniors:

            We would like to discuss an important concern today for the graduating senior. We want to warn you about the most serious illness a senior can face, "the Februaries."

            At this time of the year, all of us in the temperate zones suffer a bit from "the Februaries," but a senior about to graduate from high school is more likely than the rest of us to contract an acute case. The month of February is usually dark, cold and icy, which can give cabin fever to even the most inveterate optimist. Consequently, "the Februaries" are characterized by the blues, by a bit of anger or depression, by the propensity to be too quiet, cross or edgy.

            The illness for high school seniors, however, can be all the more serious because it often begins in mid-January, after the applications are filed, and continues even through March before acceptances roll in. Furthermore, while an adult's Februaries or an early adolescent's Februaries may pose no significant threat because spring is just around the corner, a senior's Februaries can presage genuine disappointment, rejection from a college of his choice. For him, then, all of us must take this disease quite seriously, most of all himself. Allow us to explain how a developmental psychologist might diagnose "the Februaries" and prescribe some remedies.

            For the first time in his personal development, the high school senior experiences in the late winter and spring of the year a life-stage crisis. As with all the other life-stage crises one will face, some will pass through it without even noticing it, others will agonize through it, but most will fall somewhere in between. The life-stage crisis the college-bound senior faces is not unlike the life-stage crisis he will experience at mid-life in his 40's (one, in fact, his Dad may be experiencing at the same time as the senior), or the one he will face after 60. Furthermore, the developmental psychologist suggests that the degree to which he successfully negotiates the crisis at 17 or 18 might be a good predictor of how successfully he will negotiate it at mid-life.

            In addition, we are told that there are two elements to the crisis, or the illness we have called "the Februaries:" the crisis of limits and the crisis of disparity. The parent at mid-life faces the crisis of limits when he finally comes to realize that he will not be elected Chairman of the Board, or he's not likely to make a million dollars, both perhaps hopes and expectations earlier in his career. The 17/18 year old senior faces that element of the crisis when the ceiling on his SAT's or his GPA force him to accept the fact that he's not going to make Harvard or Notre Dame after all, or whichever was the long-shot college of his dreams.

            At one end, the parent successfully negotiates the crisis when he accepts his limitations, resolves to embrace joyfully who he is, and keeps moving on. Similarly, the college-bound senior successfully negotiates the crisis when he internalizes the value that the prestige of the college to which he is accepted is no statement about his quality as a human being, and that wherever he goes, should he make the most of his learning experience there, will be the best place for him in the next four years. The healthy senior then happily makes his choice and keeps moving on.

            All of us adults who have "been there" empathize with the senior. We know what you're going through as you wait to discover what lies ahead. Yet, we know also that this vulnerable time is one of great opportunity as well. So, while during these days you may wonder, slide a bit, act out, and God forbid, feel some irrational anger or depression, we will both call you to responsibility for your actions and encourage you to hope in the unknown, resolving to embrace the future joyfully no matter what. After all, your life really begins at 18. Know, too, that it will be a wonderful life. Resist the temptations, then, to slip back into childhood. Adulthood, regardless of its limitations and disparities, is so much more rewarding and fulfilling.

            We hope there is something worthwhile for each of you, whether a senior or a parent. Once more, we at Delbarton stand ready to help in whatever ways possible during the weeks ahead. For example, we are already gearing up for some spring term counseling on career and on the high school to college transition decisions, such as choosing courses, addressing roommate and college social questions, etc. On the part of the seniors, last minute college visiting is not inappropriate, particularly after one is admitted. Incidentally, all necessary efforts should be taken to make that important decision in time for the registration to arrive no later than May 1. Finally, be reminded that registrations at more than one college after May 1 are forbidden.

            Again, please accept our warmest personal regards. Feel free to be in touch with Abbot Giles, Mr. Rosenhaus or Mr. Flanagan should you have any questions or concerns. God bless you.